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English Lesson
ENGLISH?
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>  > This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the
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>  > brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown.
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>  > Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
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>  > Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
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>  > 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
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>  > 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
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>  > 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
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>  > 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
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>  > 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
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>  > 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
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>  > 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
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>  > present the present.
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>  > 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
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>  > 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
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>  > 10) I did not object to the object.
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>  > 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
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>  > 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
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>  > 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
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>  > 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
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>  > 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
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>  > 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
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>  > 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
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>  > 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
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>  > 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
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>  > 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
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>  > 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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>  > Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
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>  > There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
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>  > pine in pineapple.
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>  > English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
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>  > Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet and are
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>  > meat.
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>  > We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
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>  > that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig
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>  > is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
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>  > And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
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>  > groce and hammers don't ham?
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>  > If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
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>  > One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
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>  > Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
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>  > you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
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>  > what do you call it?
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>  > If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
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>  > vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
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>  > Sometimes I think all the English speakes should be committed to an
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>  > asylum for the verbally insane.
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>  > In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship
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>  > by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
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>  > smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
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>  > man and a wise guy are opposites?
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>  > You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
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>  > house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
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>  > filling it out, in which an alarm goes off by going on.
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>  > English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
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>  > creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
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>  > That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
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>  > lights are out, they are invisible.
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>  > PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick

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