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| English Lesson |
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ENGLISH? > > > > This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the > > > > brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. > > > > Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. > > > > Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: > > > > 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. > > > > 2) The farm was used to produce produce. > > > > 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. > > > > 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. > > > > 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. > > > > 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. > > > > 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to > > > > present the present. > > > > 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. > > > > 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. > > > > 10) I did not object to the object. > > > > 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. > > > > 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. > > > > 13) They were too close to the door to close it. > > > > 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. > > > > 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. > > > > 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. > > > > 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. > > > > 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. > > > > 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. > > > > 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. > > > > 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? > > > > Let's face it - English is a crazy language. > > > > There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor > > > > pine in pineapple. > > > > English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. > > > > Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet and are > > > > meat. > > > > We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find > > > > that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig > > > > is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. > > > > And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't > > > > groce and hammers don't ham? > > > > If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? > > > > One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? > > > > Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If > > > > you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, > > > > what do you call it? > > > > If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats > > > > vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? > > > > Sometimes I think all the English speakes should be committed to an > > > > asylum for the verbally insane. > > > > In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship > > > > by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that > > > > smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise > > > > man and a wise guy are opposites? > > > > You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your > > > > house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by > > > > filling it out, in which an alarm goes off by going on. > > > > English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the > > > > creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. > > > > That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the > > > > lights are out, they are invisible. > > > > PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick
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